This post was originally published in 2015 · Jacob M Hansen

For reasons unknown to me, society has constructed a myth about the potential of a person as they live through their teenagehood.  The result of accepting this myth is a strangling of the expectations we hold teenagers to. As it currently stands, these expectations are really, really low. 

Let me illustrate this point with an excerpt from the book Smart but Scattered Teens: The “Executive Skills” Program for Helping Teens Reach Their Potential.  It is written by PhD professionals, and designed to help parents who are living with teenagers.  In one of the very first pages, it says this:

“By late adolescence, our children must meet one fundamental condition: they must function with a reasonable degree of independence.  That does not mean that they do not ask for help and seek advice at times, but it does mean that they no longer rely on us to plan or organize their day for them, tell them when to start tasks, bring them items they have forgotten, or remind them to pay attention at school.” (emphasis added)

How’s that for a low bar?  Is the success of your teenage years defined by an ability to maintain a weekly planner, follow a checklist, correctly pack a backpack, and listen to people in authority?  

What about beginning to discover and pursue your passions?

What about learning to love and serve others?

What about building your personal character?  

What about training your mind to think creatively and rationally?

What about developing a love for learning?

What about finding joy in living a virtuous life?

What about exploring the world’s greatest and most fundamental ideas?

What about dreaming up a plan for your future? 

These crucial areas of development–and many others–typically aren’t expected, and rarely ever facilitated.  Instead, we are told that we must acquire a handful of basic life skills that can be learned in a single semester of middle school.  

The library will continue to display society’s low expectations as you browse the sections where they keep books written for the teenage audience.  When you do this you’ll probably find the shelves lined almost exclusively with easy-to-read novels. You might find a handful of books with tips for doing well in school or lists of fun things to do, but even those are oversimplified and packed with illustrations.  I love novels, simplicity, and illustrations, but should that be all there is?  

If nothing else, you can observe society’s low expectations in the common sayings people toss around.  Have you ever overheard adults complaining about how hard it is to parent, teach, and keep their teens out of trouble?  Maybe you’ve heard something similar to the saying one of our readers heard a lot: “There’s nothing wrong with a teenager that a couple of years won’t cure.”  In essence, teens are generally expected to be rebellious, immature, unskilled, uncommitted to learning and self-improvement, overly focused on trivial things, and apathetic about the future. 

Expectations Greatly Influence Outcome

Multi-millionaire, author and educator T. Harv Eker teaches that, “what you focus on expands.”  The logic in how our expectations play a role in our circumstances is simple: expectations channel thought, thought creates action, and action creates change.  

The most important type of expectations exist on a personal level.  You simply won’t be successful in life unless you expect yourself to be.  We tell the truth about ourselves a lot more than we like to think. If you say that you’re going to fail at such and such, you probably will.  On the other hand, many have achieved victory over circumstance and trial with nothing but the fire within them. They believe that success is possible for them, and they believe that they will take the necessary action.  Consequently, they expect success.  As well they should. 

We can look to almost any personal-success biography to see examples of this, but I’m going to illustrate with an example from my own life.  Ten months ago I was invited to attend the World Scout Jamboree, held in Japan. The decision to embark on this once-in-a-lifetime experience was obviously a no brainer.  Well, except for the fact that it would cost me over $6,000. To a then fifteen year old, that sum was absolutely daunting.  

While I was weighing the pro’s and con’s of the trip, many people would tell me I should shoot for it–then let slip their doubts about me being able to raise the sum.  One night I had enough–I said to myself “I know I can do this, and I’m going to prove all of them wrong!” That expectation carried me through the following months, and half a year later I had the $6k.  

A societal expectation doesn’t directly determine the outcome of a person’s teenagehood.  The danger is indirect: the atmosphere it creates teaches teens what to expect of themselves.  If the people you look up to expect you to be mediocre during your teenage years, chances are high that you’ll adopt that attitude.  It may take years for you to break out of it, and by that time it will be too late.

During a recent convocation speech I learned the true story of a girl who didn’t expect much of herself.  Her passion was basketball, and she left high school overwhelmingly excited to get on her college basketball team.  She knew every name and every stat regarding that team. On the day of tryouts she got ready and walked to the gym, making sure to be a comfortable fifteen minutes early.  Then she peaked into the room, saw the other girls, and thought to herself “Wow. They are really, really good.”  

She spent the next forty five minutes pacing the halls, trying to summon the courage to walk through the door.  Finally, she turned away and returned to her room. She never tried out and, of course, never made the team. She was devastated, but could at least take refuge in the belief that she never would have made it onto the team anyways.  

Decades later she met the person who had been coaching on that fateful day.  She said that being stuck with a knife wouldn’t have hurt as bad as the words spoken by her would-be coach.  The coach told her that of all the years the team had played, the only year they didn’t have a full roster was the year this girl had turned away from tryouts.  A golden path had been paved for her success, but because her personal-expectations were too low, she never took it. You and I (and she) can only imagine what might have been had this girl expected a little more.  Let’s not allow our society to contribute to–often create–such cases by setting the bar too low.

People rise to expectations.  Consider the words of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe:

“If you treat an individual as he is, he will remain how he is. But if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be.”

Can you imagine what the world would be like if all teenagers expected themselves and their friends to live according to high standards of excellence?  Can you imagine how easy it would be for them to succeed if society expected them to do great things? Personal problems, school problems, and social problems surrounding teens would drastically decrease.  Teens would be happier, more fulfilled, and more motivated to do good in the world. 

And of course, let’s not forget that the youth of today are the adults of tomorrow.  These reasons offer us a glimpse of how important it is to overcome society’s low expectations and destroy the societal myth from which they originate. 

A New Day Is Dawning

I believe in you.

Society has been heading in the wrong direction on this issue for quite some time now.  But it doesn’t have to. Teens have been accepting the low expectations presented to them for an equally long time.  But they don’t have to. 

I believe that all of this should and can change.  I believe that I will do my part, and I believe that those around me will do their part as well.  Or in other words, I expect all of this to change.  

I can’t see the future, but I can see the past.  Society wasn’t always this way, and it is long overdue for a change.  Now is the perfect time for teenagers to capitalize on the benefits of youth and the unique opportunities presented by our place in history.  My experience has shown me that not only are we able to make this change, but we are also willing and ready. This is why I expect change.

To my fellow teens—you don’t have to be held down by a myth!   You have more potential than you or I can currently imagine, and all you have to do is choose to live up to it.  Believe in yourself. Expect yourself to do great things, and to live with excellence.  

I believe in society.  I believe in the strangers that pass me on the street.  I believe in my neighbors. I believe in my friends and family.

And of course, I believe in you. 

Creating a culture of excellence isn’t an easy or straightforward task, but that’s part of what makes it worth doing.  As with all change, start with yourself; connect with a community of youth that will push you to be your best self; above all, know that I expect great things from you.   

Join me—it’s time to change the world.