Looking in the Mirror Never Felt So Good: an Intro to Positive Affirmations.
This post was originally published in 2016 · Jacob M Hansen
In many of my speaking gigs, I lead out by asking for a very brave volunteer. I bring this volunteer up on to the stage and we start playing a ball-tossing game where I basically throw a ball at them with increasing force, and their job is to catch it. The third or fourth time I do a big verbal build up and wind into my best baseball pitch. But the moment before the ball leaves my hand, I abort the mission and leave my now-nervous volunteer flinching at where the ball would have landed.
The whole point is that it doesn’t matter if the ball leaves my hand. The factor that determines the actions of my volunteer is what they expect the ball to do. And so it is in life: our choices are not influenced so much by what is true, but by what we believe.
I have found that in order to be successful, you must apply this principle to the beliefs you hold about yourself. For example, if you believe that you’re worthless and dumb, do you think you’ll act like a highly-productive and competent business person? My guess is that you’ll act in an exact parallel to what you believe (or expect) about yourself—that is, worthless and dumb.
You can judge for yourself on this one, but personally I don’t like acting that way. So I am very careful about the expectations I hold myself to. In a society where, for the most part, I am expected to sink to the low expectations of teenagers, external pressures frequently tempt me to discard the faith I have in myself. I believe that I’m born to do great things, that I’m powerful, that I love my life, etc., and so in order to retain these powerful beliefs I spend a few minutes every morning giving myself a mini-lecture on how awesome I am. Usually to the beat of epic soundtracks, and usually staring myself down in the mirror.
This is not just me being egotistical, though (I promise). It is a proven method of training your mind to do hard things and ultimately be successful, called positive affirmations. All you have to do is write specific statements in present-tense about values you aspire too, and then recite them to yourself passionately on a daily basis. The key here is that it doesn’t matter if the statement is currently true, only that you want it to be true. Because if you tell yourself it for long enough, it will become true.
Here’s a peek at a section of affirmations we use over at The Lionheart Movement:
“I dream AUDACIOUSLY
I am the perfect age for success
I have all the resources and time I need
I CRUSH my fears
I LOVE my life
I am POWERFUL
I am LIMITLESS
I am LIONHEARTED!!!”
“THIS IS CRAY-CRAY”, you may be protesting. And I have to admit, I was pretty skeptical for months of close friends, family, and mentors telling me about why I should give positive affirmations a shot.
And then I met a billionaire.
This billionaire was lecturing at an intensive self-improvement workshop, and he was talking about how once upon a time he was suffering financially and sought out a financial mentor. This mentor told him to do daily affirmations, and this billionaire (who was broke at that point) thought to himself:
“Well, if it’s good enough for him, it’s good enough for me.”
Pretty soon this then-broke man became financially free. He also gained the physical body of a Greek god and the heart of Mother Teresa. After hearing him speak, I decided that if positive affirmations were good enough for him, they were good enough for me too. And boy oh boy, will my life will never be the same!
The Science to Positive Affirmations
According to science, you can’t be wrong—at least not in your own mind. Cognitive dissonance happens when your beliefs and your actions are inconsistent with one another. Because humans have a drive for inner-consistency, dissonance compels a change in either your actions or your thoughts. That’s why we feel the need to justify our actions so frequently; if you’re mad at someone, your first reaction is likely to think “they did [such and such] which makes it okay for me to be angry”, not “resenting them is against my moral code.” One thought creates harmony, the other cognitive dissonance, and therefore change.
With positive affirmations, we harness the power of cognitive dissonance in a beneficial way. You can think about it like this: thoughts lead to emotion, emotion leads to action. Positive affirmations are all about training your thoughts to result in the correct emotion, and thereby the actions and results you really want.
I had tried to develop the habit of consistent exercise for many years, but it never really clicked for me until the day that I realized I was entertaining thoughts that made my goal laughable (i.e. exercise is painful, fitness shouldn’t be my top priority, etc.) But only a few days after replacing these beliefs I started getting up at 5:00am to spend 45 minutes at the gym every morning. I still have my off days, but those are few and far between. I attribute this change in my life not to herculean discipline, but to a small change in the story that I told myself.
Even if you don’t buy the idea that positive affirmations will change your actions directly, you can’t deny that we can all use some more motivation in our lives. Like the success guru Zig Ziglar said, it’s true that motivation doesn’t last but neither does bathing, so that’s why we recommend it daily. Consider that by using positive affirmations you’ll be giving yourself a consistent reminder of your end goals. And if nothing else, telling yourself that you’re powerful or capable or born to be successful is a great way to start your day because it feels good. Like, real good.
As with many things in life, you’ll only become a convert to positive affirmations once you try them for yourself. So give them a shot! Go write up your powerful beliefs, que the music, and experiment with positive affirmations.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a pep talk to give.